Hi Eve, it's great to have you back at IC, so glad the heart surgery fixed things up!  Happy belated birthday, too!

Thank you for the condolences, those 1st anniversaries are tough ones, I cried myself to sleep that night, you know how all the memories just come flooding back if you open the door a little, you then feel the pain all over again.

I had several reasons for not wanting kids.  #1)  Originally I was being selfish and didn't want to give up my own life in order to raise children.  #2)  I was scared of the pain of childbirth.  #3)  My mom always threatened me that one day I would have a child just like me, and I knew what I was, Trouble with a capital T, and there is no way I could have handled a child like me, rebellious to the nth degree.  #4)  I was afraid I would be mean to the child.   #5)  Financially unable to provide like I would have wanted, always just barely getting by on paycheck to paycheck, and I didn't want that for my children to grow up dirt poor like I did.

The big one was really my own temper and lack of patience and understanding. I didn't trust myself. 

You can't always keep your loved ones from choosing a path you yourself would never choose, but you can always show them clearly there is "another way" they could choose to live life.  Not telling them, because actions speak louder than words.  Focus on living your life the way you want and think life should be.  Be the example of the "other way" so they can see it, even if they don't choose it now, they might later on down the road.  At some later point in time your idea of how life can be better might have appeal to them after all the wild oats are sown and they aren't happy with what they are reaping.   Just keep being a shining clear beacon of light, unconditional love, harmonious, peaceful, joyful living.   

People make choices they later regret, all of us do it.  Best thing is to just learn from them.

I am sure my mother and father have often felt like failures because of me.  It didn't used to bother me in my younger years.  Back then I justified everything in my mind. I saw how choice A led to choice B, but I never saw I actually had all those other choices I could have made, instead, because I didn't want to acknowledge I even had other choices, I only wanted to justify myself!  Hindsight is 20/20 and you can see it all more clearly, looking back, than when you are in the midst of crisis after crisis.  People are shortsighted, they don't look way down the road at what other choices might be wiser for more long-term happiness! 

Like me with my overeating, I get pleasure in the moment but am I really happy with my body/life the way it is?  It takes a hard knocks of Life wake-up call sometimes to get you to change your ways for the better, for your real good and not just a short term quick "fix" which is no fix at all but a bandaid covering the pain.

I came around and saw the Light and am trying to get out from under my bad habit choices, which continue until I make my own mind up to change my way, and what I find pleasure/comfort/happiness in.

One day they may decide they want what you have Eve, in terms of how to find happiness in life.  People mature all the time, becoming more mature can happen at any age, thank God!  If what we suffer thru doesn't kill us....it will make us stronger.....and wiser.

Love,
Barb