Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat
and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said,
"Sir, Ineed to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for
her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys
get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been
waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid
replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid
on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he
knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets
stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of
his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his
hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The
truck driver says, "No sir, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer(s) #5
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was booking a long line of inconvenienced
travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way
to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter
and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to
be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir.
I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help
these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work
something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He
asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could
hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without
hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public
address microphone, "May I have your attention
please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout
the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO
DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find
his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks
behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and
swore. "F***you!" Without flinching, she smiled and
said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line
for that, too."